I'm going to stay

I lay in bed in the middle of a dark Friday night. I was in a lot of pain so I couldn't sleep. I stared at the walls contemplating when my cancer was finally going to claim my life. I rolled back and forth in my bed in a futile attempt to get comfortable. My face writhed in agony as if it were being assailed by thousands of pins were constantly prodding it. The tumor had swelled over some nerves in my neck and shoulders creating a fresh sea of suffering for me to drown in. As I stared at the wall my pain began to spontaneously recede. My body began to gradually relax and my breathing evened out.

I found myself among a small meadow in a circle of redwood trees. Lying flat on my back I felt the warm glow of a pleasant afternoon sun caressing my face. There was no pain. Insects shimmered in the sunlight as they danced above my face. Like thousands of tiny prisms each insect glistered against the sunlight casting every color imaginable into the fairy circle. Sheltered by the ancient redwoods I felt an overwhelming sense of sanctuary.

As I lay in peace, the ground directly below me began to glow. The white gleam steadily grew in intensity until its radiance reached that of a gleaming star. At the culmination of the dazzling light a ray of pure white light began to ascend towards the heavens. The light was warm. It permeated through my body as easily as water flows through a stream. While the effulgence soared infinitely skyward I felt the foreign sensation of leaving my body. As the light ascended so did I. I felt the rapture of leaving my mortal shackles behind and moving on. No more pain...

It was then that I heard the voices of thousands in a choir trilling their otherworldly melody to me. I felt their message more than I really heard it. Come with me. Come with us. I felt the ethereal message chime through my conscious in an infinite flow as I rose toward the sanctuary of the heavens. Too overwhelmed by bliss to think, I let the light take me.

A diminutive utterance somewhere in the deep corners of my mind was screaming. I tried to block it out to no avail. How was I to delight in my current euphoria with the vexation of responsibility to some vague recollection of influence? The cold sensation of ambiguity was raising its ugly head flooding my mind with reason. I'm not done yet, I thought. Stay. The words became my resurgence. I'm going to stay. I rallied my strength and resisted the sweet draw of the voices.

I felt myself slam back into my body. I felt the screaming pain in my face. Exhaustion poured over me in a wave and my shoulder shrieked in agony. I opened my eyes to see I was back in my room. Darkness shrouded my tangled bed coverings. I turned over to see the unlit outline of my brother sleeping in a chair beside my bed. It was then that I noticed that I was still speaking the words "I'm going to stay."