The Healing Power of Love

Many cultures have many words to describe the feeling of love. In the US there really is only one word to describe it. Be that as it may I want to look at love as an all encompassing force that surrounds your life. From “I love this chocolate shake,” to “I love my mother,” to “love my spouse,” to “I love my child,” and everything in between. Love is a wonderfully benevolent force that we are all blessed with. Each and every one of us has the capacity to love from birth. Some of us however forget, shield or otherwise lose our potential to use this wonderful tool we are given. For me this meant not fully living up to my potential for fear I might offend or hurt someone. For one reason or another (I may address these issues at another time) I have found myself shielded from the full potential of this wonderful emotion. One simply cannot live a full life without their emotions working at full efficiency. I was living under the superficial shell of relationships and wondering why I couldn’t succeed. My self esteem was stunted. I felt afraid to fully commit to any relationships for fear that I would be rejected. I constantly attempted new relationships without getting too deep in the ones that I had already started. In this way I could go through life without really risking anything. I’m now going to tell the story as to how I was finally able to thwart this self imposed shield and then I am going to offer an exercise that you can follow and hopefully achieve similar results.

Yesterday was a wonderful day. I got up, took a bath and then had my friend Chris over. We had a good long talk under the afternoon day sun catching all the lovely rays of sunlight my patio had to offer before exploring my garage and then settling down in my chair for some video games and a movie. That is quite an eventful day when you have cancer and I was tired when Chris left. Happy but tired. It just so happens that I was having such a good time that I neglected to take my pain medication. I currently have a tumor pressing up against the nerves that govern the feeling in the right side of my face. This involves the right eye, ear, half of my nose and tongue, and of course all of the skin. That evening my right cheekbone felt like it was being stung by thousands of enraged wasps. Directly under that my face felt as if I had a professional baseball team playing home run derby using my face as the ball. I swore I had accidentally bit off the right half of my tongue but every time I checked it was still there. Something immediately behind my eye seemed to be threatening to push it out of its socket and my ear felt as if someone was continuously inserting white hot skewers into it. I felt the hot blood rush up out of my ear after every skewer but alas the temperature changes where nothing more than a cruel illusion. Just like the rest. I begged for death but the torment perpetuated. Lost in my own agony I could do nothing but feel anguish.

It was then through the thick fog of pain that I heard a familiar song. It was “The Nearness of You” sung by Nicole Henry. Glorious memories from my past began to well up through the haze of agony. I remembered playing pingpong for many hours at a time with my best friend Ben. I remembered the taste of raspberry custard from the restaurant atop the hill in France. I remembered the sweet aroma of my mothers apple pie mingling with my fathers fresh pasta sauce. I remembered the sunset at Yosemite. I remembered the warmth I felt with each Thanksgiving and the thrill of Christmas when I was a little boy. I remembered the miracle of running headlong into the pouring rain and the senseless joy of rolling around in the mud. I remembered thrill of riding inside the tube of a wave. With each of these priceless memories came a tear. I laughed so hard I cried or perhaps I cried so hard I laughed. I was swept up completely in the euphoria of the moment. I felt the touch of the sunrise at the beach caress my broken face as each tear left its mark. With my family around me I wailed as the beauty of life swelled up within me to the bursting point. It took all of five minutes for the damn to rupture and finally I was again alone. My family sat all around me and my heart had finally let down its shield. I no longer felt afraid. The pain was gone and now I can finally live a full life.

Sometimes during life your pain can reach a summit so high that you simply don’t have the proper tools to hold on. When you are in this state of mind you are suffering not only physically but emotionally as well and it is unlikely that you are in your right mind. It is very tough to make rational decisions when in this state. It is for this reason that I have designed the below exercise.

Find two or three songs that are calm and you can really connect with. For me these songs are:

1. “Nearness of You” sung by Nicole Henry.
2. “Over the Rainbow” by Israel Kamakawiwo`ole
3. “Send me on my way” by Rusted Root

It is important that the songs you select are keyed to your pleasure and not just imitating my selections. Now I want you to take a few deep breaths and try to relax. Close your eyes and think about relaxing your entire body from head to foot. Start the first piece of music. As the music plays, feel the familiar joy welling up within you. As the song progresses try to remember your childhood. What can you remember that you really treasure? For me it was spending time with my friend Ben and jumping over garbage cans at my Montessori School. Remember parts of nature that just take your breath away. Perhaps it’s flower or sunsets. Maybe it is the ocean or the feel of rain. Maybe it’s the colorful birds that flew over your porch every morning when you were little. Let love engulf you. Relax your control on your consciousness and feel the love well up into your heart. Let it surge through you and just experience the ecstasy of letting go...

When you are finished, turn the music off and breath. When you feel comfortable open your eyes and come back into your body. Be creative with this exercise. Remember joyful events that are keyed to all five of your emotions. I had very little choice in the events that I remembered. I felt like a bystander throughout the whole thing and I have a feeling that you will too.